Obituary of Patricia Mary de Koning (née Dean)

Patricia was born to Gordon and Mary Dean in 1952. The eldest of three girls, she grew up on  the family fruit farm on Glover Road in Fruitland, Ontario. Full of energy and humour, she wrote  poetry, played piano to the Grade 8 level, learned to count in Latin in the gladiolus fields, skated  on the ponds and skinned a skunk. At 11 years, she insisted on being called Patrick Murray and  led many a troop around the farm with the Windhorsts and Vantols. She wrote, directed and  starred in many at-home plays and was interested in the Greek myths. She concocted theme dinners; most famously, the lime dinner where every dish and dessert contained lime. Her  leadership and imagination were endless. 

She attended Saltfleet High School and, after the setback of mononucleosis in Grade 9, went on  to study Latin among other subjects and play Odysseus’s cunning wife, Penelope, in the school  play. She stage-managed and organized a touring magic show with friends and her siblings.  She worked at Stoney Creek Dairy as a scooper and afterward could never eat mint chocolate chip ice cream again. 

She matriculated at York University in 1971 and earned a B.A. in Psychology, followed by a  Masters of Social Work at U of T. In 1972 she worked at a Christian Commune at Grand Bend. It  was at York that she began attending Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship where she put her faith  in Christ, despite her initial skepticism about the resurrection. She also met a dark, bearded, curly-haired guy named Gerry and jokingly asked him, “Where have you been all my life?” 

Pat and Gerry married on May 10, 1975.  They joined Knox Church the next year. Soon she was involved in Bible studies and and many other events. For example, she organized an all-day Arts Festival with Aruna Alexander. 

Pat finished her Masters and practiced social work at the Clark Institute (now CAMH) for several  years, working in an out-patient unit. She was a founder of the Canadian National Association of  Christians in Social Workers. 

In 1979, shortly after moving to a fixer-upper on Wells Street near Bathurst and Bloor, Pat gave  up being a social worker and gave birth to Carolyn, followed by David, and Peter. She loved her  family; birthdays and special occasions called for special cakes and parties. 

A fiercely independent thinker, Pat challenged the status quo by breastfeeding, being a stay-at home Mom, home-schooling the children in their primary years, and shopping at the health food  store. She loved to read murder mysteries and read broadly in a wide variety of topics, marking  up key passages with post-it notes. She had the most beautiful handwriting, thanks to her study  of calligraphy.  

The doors of Pat’s home were open to many people; boarders lived on the third storey; she and  Gerry hosted weekly home Bible studies; neighbours and friends were always welcome for a  visit.

Pat was entranced by words. She wrote poetry and short stories well. She was curious about  the definitions and origins of words. She loved puns. To the very end of her life she could not  resist exploring the history of interesting words in many languages. 

In 1991, when Gerry was offered an assignment in France, Pat organized the move, found new  schools for the children, brushed up on her French and bid au revoir to Toronto for three years.  

In France, she and Gerry joined the ex-pat community at St. Michael’s Anglican Church in Paris. They enjoyed dining at Gault Millau-rated restaurants and taking road trips to the Netherlands,  the UK, Germany and the French Alps. Other highlights included trips to Portugal and Austria  with her parents.  

Back in Toronto, in 1993, Pat continued to be involved at Knox Church and the homeschooling  community. She became interested in pro-life activism and supported many conservative  women’s organizations. 

In the late 1990s, Pat’s energy and digestive health began to decline, and in 2002 she had her  first major health crisis, becoming bed-ridden for many months. The next year she received a  diagnosis of myalgic encephalomyelitis, a debilitating multi-system disease.. 

Over many years, Pat was cared for by Gerry and a number of devoted  Personal Support Workers, beginning with Ngawang and most recently Luz, Letty, Alma and  Lourdes. We are most grateful for the kindness they showed Pat.

In December 2023, she poetically wrote, 

The road is rough and hard, 

The destination splendid; 

How good to be at home, 

My painful journey ended. 

Her painful journey ended when Pat passed away peacefully in her sleep at home in her 73rd  year on September 1 after a lengthy illness.  

A Memorial Service will be held at Knox Presbyterian Church in Toronto on Monday, September  9, 2024. Directions and parking information at Pat de Koning

To join the Livestreaming of the Memorial Service please CLICK HERE at service time.